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Perhaps you know why women over fifty from Flashcomment Old age jokes Jokes
Perhaps you know why women over fifty don't have babies. They would put them down somewhere and forget where they left them.

A little old lady walked into the from Flashcomment Old age jokes Jokes
A little old lady walked into the bank, cashed a small check, and started out. Passing the armed guard, she smiled and said, "You can go home now."

How do you get four old ladies from Flashcomment Old age jokes Jokes
How do you get four old ladies to say the F word? Have the fifth one say.... BINGO!

Whats wrong sonny asked the old timer from Flashcomment Old age jokes Jokes
"What's wrong, sonny?" asked the old timer sympathetically, coming over to the little kid who was sitting on the curb, crying his heart out. "I'm crying 'cause I can't do what the big boys do!" So the old man sat down and wept too.

Whats the best thing about turning No from Flashcomment Old age jokes Jokes
What's the best thing about turning 65? No more calls from insurance salesmen.

Two really old guys decided they would from Flashcomment Old age jokes Jokes
Two really old guys decided they would go out and try to play a round of golf together. They get on the first tee and the first old guy says to the second, "My eyesight isn't what it used to be. Can you watch my ball for me?". The second guy says, "Sure! I see fine. Go ahead and hit." So the first old man steps up to the tee and really hits it. He turns to his buddy and says, "Did you see it?". "Sure!", says his buddy. "Where did it go?", the first guy asks. The second old man thinks for a minute and says, "I can't remember."

Whats the worst thing about having to from Flashcomment Old age jokes Jokes
What's the worst thing about having to kiss Grandma? When the damn coffin lid falls and hits you in the head.

Minutes before the cremation the undertaker quietly from Flashcomment Old age jokes Jokes
Minutes before the cremation, the undertaker quietly sat down next to the grieving widow. "How old was your husband?" he asked. "He was ninety-eight," she answered softly. "Two years oder than I am." "Really?" the undertaker said. "Hardly worth going home, wouldn't you say?"

A tiny but dignified old lady was from Flashcomment Old age jokes Jokes
A tiny but dignified old lady was among a group looking at an art exhibition in a newly opened gallery. Suddenly one contemporary painting caught her eye. "What on earth," she inquired of the artist standing nearby, "is that?" He smiled condescendingly. "That, my dear lady, is supposed to be a mother and her child." "Well, then," snapped the little old lady, "why isn't it?"

A little Italian grandfather comes up to from Flashcomment Old age jokes Jokes
A little Italian grandfather comes up to Customs. The Customs official says, "Have you got anything to declare?" He thinks a second and he says, "It's a nice-a day!"

One night an yearold woman came home from Flashcomment Old age jokes Jokes
One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her husband in bed with another woman. Angry, she became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their apartment, killing him instantly. When brought before the court on charges of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say to defend herself. "Well, Your Honor," she replied coolly. "I figured that at 92, if he could make love to another woman, he could fly!"

An old lady was standing at the from Flashcomment Old age jokes Jokes
An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight, so that it would not blow off in the wind. A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?" "Yes, I know," said the lady, "I need both hands to hold onto this hat."

A young woman on a rough Atlantic from Flashcomment Old age jokes Jokes
A young woman on a rough Atlantic crossing was in her cabin undressing then suddenly she was overcome by sea sickness. In a panic she rushed into the corridor and headed for the bathroom. It was not until she collided with an elderly gentleman that she realized she didn't have a stitch of clothing on. Horrified, she let out a shriek. Her fellow sufferer looked at her sadly. "Don't let it bother you, miss," he moaned. "I'll never live to tell anyone."

A group of senior citizens were exchanging from Flashcomment Old age jokes Jokes
A group of senior citizens were exchanging notes about their ailments. "My arm is so weak I can hardly hold this coffee cup." "Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad I can't see to pour the coffee." "I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck." "My blood pressure pills make my dizzy." "I guess that's the price we pay for getting old." "Well, it's not all bad. We should be thankful that we can still drive."

One day an outofwork man knocks on from Flashcomment Old age jokes Jokes
One day, an out-of-work man knocks on the door of a home in an upper-class neighborhood. The lady of the house answers. "Pardon me Mam, Im out of work and looking for any odd jobs that people need done. I'm very handy with everything from repairs to yard work, to painting..." "Painting?" the woman jumped in. "Oh, yes, Ma'am! Im a very careful painter," the man replied, his face brightening at the realization she could provide him some work. "I'll tell you what. My husband just bought some green paint last week to paint the porch out back with, but we haven't had any time. If you can do a good job, then you can paint it before he gets home and surprise him. "Now, do a particularly good job and paint the trimmings white also, and I'll pay you an extra bonus." "Oh yes, Ma'am, I'll do an excellent job!" He was told the paints were also around back in the garage. nA few hours later, the man returns to the door. "That was quick, did you do a good job?" the woman inquires. "Oh yes Ma'am, two coats! But there's something you should know," the man says. "That's not a Porsche, thats a Mercedes!"

An eighty year old couple were having from Flashcomment Old age jokes Jokes
An eighty year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to make sure nothing was wrong with them. When they arrived at the doctor's office, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory. After checking the couple out, the doctor told them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down, making notes to help them remember things. The couple thanked the doctor and left. Later that night while watching TV, the old man got up from his chair and his wife asked, "Where are you going?" He replied, "To the kitchen." She asked, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?" "Sure." Then his wife asked him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" "No, I can remember that." "Well, I also would like some strawberries on top. You had bett er write that down cause I know you'll forget that," his wife said. "I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries." She replied, "Well, I also would like whipped cream on top. I know you will forget that. You had better write it down." With irritation in his voice, he said, "I don't need to write that down, I can remember that." He went into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, he returned from the kitchen and handed her a plate of bacon and eggs. She stared at the plate for a moment and said, "You forgot my toast."

An elderly couple were driving across the from Flashcomment Old age jokes Jokes
An elderly couple were driving across the country. The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol. The officer said, "Ma'am did you know you were speeding?" The woman, hard of hearing, turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?" The old man yelled, "He says you were speeding!" The patrolman said, "May I see your license?" The woman turned to her husband once again and asked, "What did he say?" The old man yelled, "He wants to see your license!" The woman gave the officer her license. The patrolman then said, "I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I've ever seen." The woman turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?" The old man yells, "He said he thinks he knows you!".

Two elderly women were staring at the from Flashcomment Old age jokes Jokes
Two elderly women were staring at the numbers of the floors listed above the elevator door. When asked if they needed any assistance with something, one asked how they were going to be able to reach way up there to push the button for their floor.

One day a lady was driving on from Flashcomment Old age jokes Jokes
One day a lady was driving on the Highway. She frequently checked her speed gauge to make sure she stayed within the speed limit. However, when she looked into her rear mirror, much to her dismay, she saw a police car not far behind! And, to make matters worse, the police car turned on his flashing lights. She thought to herself, "Uh-oh, what have I done now? I'm not speeding. I'm not drinking. I have my seat belt on! I have kept up my license dues and everything!" So, she pulled over and the police car pulled over to the side right behind her car. She drove her car slowly to a stop, slowly rolled down the window, and prepared for a ticket when she knew she didn't deserve it. A policeman walked up to her window, and spoke to her. The lady pointed to her ear and shook her head, meaning she was deaf. The policeman smiled slightly, and knowing sign language, signed back, "I know. I'm here to tell you that your horn is stuck."

An elderly lady was wellknown for her from Flashcomment Old age jokes Jokes
An elderly lady was well-known for her faith and for her boldness in talking about it. She would stand on her front porch and shout "PRAISE THE LORD!" Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her proclamations he would shout, "There ain't no Lord!!" Hard times set in on the elderly lady, and she prayed for GOD to send her some assistance. She stood on her porch and shouted "PRAISE THE LORD. GOD I NEED FOOD!! I AM HAVING A HARD TIME. PLEASE LORD, SEND ME SOME GROCERIES!!" The next morning the lady went out on her porch and noted a large bag of groceries and shouted, "PRAISE THE LORD." The neighbor jumped from behind a bush and said, "Aha! I told you there was no Lord. I bought those groceries, God didn't." The lady started jumping up and down and clapping her hands and said, "PRAISE THE LORD. He not only sent me groceries, but He made the devil pay for them. Praise the Lord!"